my layout will change, but i wanted to get started on this page

 Journal Entry: San Francisco - Spring 2025
        
I chose San Francisco as the place I’d enjoy during my final spring break before graduating in June. San Francisco has always been a place of hope for me, a world in which I can imagine myself becoming anyone.

I remember the first time I visited when I was four years old. My godparents were visiting from Mexico and my dad had worked extra hours to prepare for the road trip. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but what I had in mind was the red bridge. something I’d seen painted on people’s chests to signify they had been there too.
            
The unveiling of San Francisco was perfect. My dad had been driving all night, and it was morning when we finally approached the city. I was so excited that I ended up staying up all night with him. The first street we drove on made the cars in front of ours disappear so that the windshield was completely covered by the sky. I was bewildered. The hilled streets were my first admiration of the city. We drove through all parts of San Francisco and I fell in love with watching its residents. Teenagers skating at the park and couples holding hands with flowers in the backdrop, it all felt so romantic to me. A slow-paced life full of love.
            
Then returning to SF In Spring of 2022 I met Susan. She remains a great inspiration in my mind. She’s lived such a full life, which makes me excited to live mine and eventually be able to tell the stories. I reminisce on our conversations a lot. I've always felt like I gravitate towards older people in awe of their minds. She reminds me of the passage of time. of creating memories that will keep you company when you’re alone with your thoughts. I’ve met so many great people because of Susan, and she’s granted me such insight on life that I feel is a privilege to hold at 21.
            
On the first day of my recent visit I spent all day roaming around letting my curiosity lead me to places I had observed from the backseat of my dads car. I might have picked the wrong shoes to walk 10 miles but It was fulfilling for me nonetheless. Along the way I knew I wanted to go see Susan but when I got there I was so sad to hear she had moved to Colorado already. I spent the next few days gathering memories she’d left behind, compiling them so they could eventually reunite with her. Learning about her life through objects or planners she kept was timeless for me, the more I learned the more I wondered about my life. How old I feel at times or how often I feel I've seen it all.
            
It’s truly wild to think that the life I’m living now is only a fraction of what’s to come. I spent my last day staring down at her garden except this time there were no sun rays painting hues of green across her grass & no Susan to bounce admiration for her flowers off of. I sat for a while before it started to rain and I had to go fetch an umbrella from inside.
            
I thought about how many times I had sat on those stairs memorizing the skyline. How funny it is to feel like something will consume you whole only to find yourself years later sitting in that same spot with a different reason for that pit in your chest.
            
It was a difficult time. Not just saying goodbye to my conversations with Susan, but also bidding farewell to the version of me who had visited her home in the past & the company I held then. I wasn't prepared to turn the page, it's not what I wanted but it happened.
            
I think sitting on those stairs for the final time was one of the hardest moments of my life. I wanted to memorize every brick, shell, and clover patch that I could. I was alone for only a moment until the universe found me. I saw something hopscotching across the stepping stones & once I figured it out we were now in an undeclared staring contest. I had never seen a cat in her garden before. It stared at me with its glistening green eyes that were so pretty they replaced those green hues I was missing before. 

In a moment when I needed comfort, I was soothed. The cat came, consoled, and then left.
            
A bittersweet goodbye.
            
A trip full of goodbyes.

I went through heartbreak on this trip, it happened in the car while Molly was driving. I was transported back to my highschool years, how Molly and I would go on drives because she had gotten her driver's permit so young which meant we could go and explore at night. How we loved to listen to music on a drive through the orange groves and talk about our teen heartaches. Now here I was again, present day, my heart split in two, seeking comfort in the passenger seat of my bestfriends car.
 
Throughout the trip, I became every version of myself — the child, the teen, the confused young adult. I lived them all again. I’m so grateful to be walking beside her still. no matter the strife that accompanies the uphills.